Saturday morning January 8, 2011 shook the nation. Especially Arizona. And, even more so, my home town of Tucson where a tragic shooting unfolded. The blaring special news alert signal on my phone startled me. I stared down at the news item in disbelief: Congresswoman Gabby Giffords had just been shot along with several other people outside a Safeway grocery store. I was to learn later that one of those victims was my friend and fellow magician Jim Tucker. He and his wife Doris had arrived early at a Congress on Your Corner meet and greet and so were near the front of the line to chat with Giffords.
In his booklet Choices, Jim recounts the life-changing moments that rapidly unfolded next:
“We had just started talking with Giffords when there were some loud bangs and a whirlwind of air. The first two shots were a blink of an eye apart, then a flurry of shots began and I found myself lying flat on my back, looking up at the roof under which we had been standing.
“I was shot twice. The first bullet struck my upper right chest, knocking me backwards. The second bullet entered and exited my lower right leg. The shooter had emptied his extended clip in less than 20 seconds.”
Congresswoman Giffords sustained a critical wound to her head, nearly killing her. Miraculously, Jim’s wife Doris, who had been talking to the Congresswoman when the shots were fired, was uninjured and was able to render aid.
A moment before it had been a sunny, beautiful day full of promise. Twenty seconds later thirteen people lay wounded and six people had lost their lives.
The next day, recovering in the hospital, Jim turned on the TV and, for the first time, learned the extent of the carnage. And, for the first time, he saw a photo of the shooter.
Jim recalls, “…my first reaction was a desire to wipe that smirk off his face. However, knowing how much I dislike standing in long lines and considering that my dominant arm was no more than dead weight, I thought it best to reconsider my choices.”
Then another thought about choices popped into Jim’s head.
“Growing up in the Los Angeles area, I was familiar with the late John Wooden, longtime head basketball coach of UCLA. Wooden was widely held in high esteem, regardless of whether his team trounced yours on the basketball court. He taught his players more than just basketball: he taught them about life. And his lessons weren’t just words alone; he modeled the life skills that so many of his players would practice long after they graduated. Wooden once said,
“‘There is a choice you have to make, in everything you do. So, keep in mind that in the end, the choice you make, makes you.’
“I thought long and hard about how the shooting affected Doris and me. Although she was not injured, she would join me in the healing process. How we initially processed things—mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and, for me, physically— during the next few days would determine the true path of healing we would take then and for years to come.
“The next morning I talked with Doris about the choices we needed to make. Although we were not expecting something like this to be added to our bucket lists and did not feel we could forgive the shooter, we knew that we had to trust and thank God. It took a little more time to reach the point where we chose to forgive the shooter. We still wanted justice to take place, but we refused to harbor an unforgiving spirit toward him. It would only prolong the damage he inflicted on us by his tragic actions. Our true healing had begun!”
I have breakfast with Jim from time to time. Although his physical healing has been dramatic, he still lives with the physical impact of his traumatic wounds. The pain and limitations to movement are still daily realities and will be with him the rest of his life. And, to be sure, emotional healing is still taking place too. But it was a choice he and his wife made – a hard choice but a necessary one – that began the healing process.
Forgiving a wrong isn’t at all excusing the wrong-doer or suggesting that what that person did wasn’t so bad after all. It is choosing instead to set yourself free from the prison of bitterness while still holding the offender responsible for his or her actions.
So, why forgive at all? There are a number of good reasons, but for the sake of brevity I’ll mention one important one: Because harboring the bitterness of unforgiveness is one of the most unhealthy things you can do to yourself. Johns Hopkins Medicine published an article titled Forgiveness: Your Health Depends on It. In the article the researchers reveal a number of dangers of unforgiveness and the health advantages of forgiveness. If you’d like to read the brief but insightful article, a quick search on-line will take you to it.
I’m not suggesting that choosing to forgive is easy – especially when it involves a grievous wrong. And it’s often not a “one and done” action. Like Jim and Doris, it takes time and intentionality. But it’s definitely worth pursuing with passion. Read more of Jim and Doris’s story at: https://www.cru.org/us/en/blog/life-and-relationships/hardships/what-i-did-after-surviving-a-mass-shooting.html
From the book The Magic of Cultivating Positive Emotions by Rod Robison. Available at www.TucsonMentalist.com/books.
